Dyke X & other stories : 02.23.03 @ 3:32 pm

The hotter dyke from (this) couple came into Starbucks today. I'm just going to call her Dyke X because I don't know her name, and she's a regular customer.
Dyke X is roughly in her mid twenties, 5 ft 7, short-cropped blonde hair, maybe a size 14/16, soft butch. Blue eyes (I think).

Today, she came in alone and looked like she had been crying.

I think I over stepped myself as a Starbucks employee by asking her if anything was wrong, but I did anyway. Of course "nothing" was...
All I wanted to do was give her a big hug, brush the strand of blonde hair out of her face, clean her glasses for her and some how reassure her that everything would be okay.

However, she strikes me as the type of person who even if I was close to her, would rather be left alone then comforted when upset.

Of course, I kept on thinking about her at random intervals for the rest of the day. What a distraction that was.

Here's a random thought for you... (not that all of them aren't random)
Our society seems to have this taboo against body orifices. Think about it.
Picking your nose - your nose is a hole.
Sex - Well. Yea.
Female masturbation - Sometimes...
Anal sex - Uh. Yea.
Picking your ears - Sometimes, in some places...
Oral sex - yup.

Getting the picture? I wonder why that is... is there something dirty about our insides? (Well. Besides the whole anal sex thing... that can be dirty, as I'm sure a few of you know.)

I had an epiphany on the john today. (The john being a toilet, for any of you who thought I meant John as in someone who paid me to fuck them. No. Starbucks is not currently running a prostitution ring).
Anyway. As I was saying, my epiphany. I was sitting on the toilet - doing what you do - and suddenly I was just really comfortable with everything. My androgyny, my sexuality, my life - everything. Comfortable in my skin and such.

I've got to stop having these great moments in these strange places like the public restroom in Starbucks.

I have a "secret" - I've mentioned it on here before, I think, so perhaps its not that much of a secret. The so called secret is very dangerous to myself for various reasons.

I fall in love with all of my friends, and sometimes just with acquaintances.
I don't mean the type of love involving romance and such, but its something very close to that.

If I trust, admire, or just like for some reason or another a person I would just about anything for them, if they asked. Including lending money, sex, etc. Yea. I said sex (not that anyone would take advantage in that department, but its scary just the same, knowing that I would).
What's really strange about this is that some people who I call friends I'm not "in love" with and some people who I don't call friends - who I barely know, are. It's very strange.

I was thinking about this today when I realized that even though I've only seen him maybe three times, [one of] my shift managers has somehow made that list - as has two other people who I work with. I barely know these people, they barely know me, yet I'd donate my right kidney for them if they asked.

Can you understand how terrifying this is to me? To be this vulnerable, this trusting? I'm not trying to be this trusting and such, I just am. Someone someday down the road is going to take advantage of that and you just wait - I'll be destroyed mentally and emotionally. My whole self ripped to shreds by some careless ass hole.

I am getting really sick of this layout. I might change it today anyway... (as it was changed, do you like it?)

Note: I added the three fields again (as you can see), so if my old entries have a funny sentence at the bottom of them, that's why.

/A

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