Sexuality and Women : 02.16.03 @ 11:58 am

Again, I hold to the fact that my dreams are always more interesting then my life. It's too bad my dreams couldn't come true. I was having this really nice warm and fuzzy one involving Toby.

I think [whoever said this] was right when they said that you don't really forget your first crush, and your fantasies don't forget him/her either. Toby, well hell. What I wouldn't give for one night...
It's not like you forget your first love either. Like I'll probably always wonder how it would have been different for Kate and I if we had met in college and not in the last year of her high school. Or, if we had gone to the same high school. Not that I'd want to change the relationship that we had. :-) It was one of those relationships that you only really get with a first love. (okay everyone, on cue: awwwwww)

Every once in a while I'll think to myself - "you know, you should just call yourself bisexual even if you have a preference for women". This is mainly due to the fact that I'm a.) not completely repulsed by the male body. Most of the time. and b.) terrified that the perfect person for me is in fact male. It's a scary thought. Do any straight people stop and think - well fuck what if I'm missing out on something by being straight? What if I'm scaring off someone who could have an immense positive effect on my life?

Then, of course, I remember exactly how much I love women. And I do, I couldn't even begin to tell you how much.
That and you have no idea what a soft butch does to my insides. I practically roll over and offer up my mouth and hands to their service. Well. Not literally. But I would! Really... hmm damnit now I've gotten myself thinking about hot women and my lack of a special one in my life.

I want someone to be all sickenly romantic like with with. Buy random things for (with my invisible money), spend all day just cuddling. Or not all day... anyway. Yea.

Two really hot lesbians come into Starbucks yesterday, obviously a couple. I get them their drinks (I think it was a grande hot chocolate with whipped cream and a vinti vanilla late, but I may be wrong) and then about five minutes later my shift manager gives me this surprised look as he tells me that "those two women - hot chocolate and vanilla late - that just left were kissing".
Me - "Yea, you couldn't tell they were a couple?
Him - "No... you mean you could?!"
Me: "Well, yea."

I worked a seven hour shift yesterday and was so tired when I came home that I took a three + hour nap. Then this morning the same shift manager calls me and tells me not to bother coming to work because there isn't going to be many people and there is two of them already. So I went back to sleep.
Why would there be a decreased amount of coffee crazed commuters today? Mainly due to the fact that there is three fucking feet of snow in the road and the town takes at least a day to get around to actually plowing what really isn't much snow. So I doubt there is school tomorrow. Maybe no school Tuesday either. Woo. More sleeping in and lazy days of HTML'ng.

I'm really liking my work so far. Sure, it has its moments when I feel like screaming but most of those are due to my lack of experience. I like working with [most] people, getting a little snippet of their life. It's cool. The free coffee is pretty good too, but I don't advise having the only thing you ate or drank all day be two cups of Toffee Nut Late and one cup of Soy Chai. Your stomach tends to rebel.

Anyway, I have quite a few things to do online before my mother kicks me off the computer and I go back to bed. Or maybe attempt homework...

/A

P.S. I took this picture of my feet on that angry walk I did a week or so ago... (view)

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