Fierce Flawed

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Love of the Lens (II) : 09.09.03 @ 9:35 pm

I think I think too much. Or I'm overly sensitive to people's moods. If someone is even remotely in an off mood, or they're more quiet then normal then immediatly I begin go think that I may have done something wrong. It's ridiculous, stupid, and annoying of me, but I can't help it. I've spent too much of my life where it has been my fault that it's just natural.
So if I ever irritate you, just tell me, please. Yea, it'll probably depress me for a bit, but you know I'll try to change.

* I'm having my oral surgery December 15th, which means I'll miss a week of [AP] classes before Christmas break as I recover. The very thought of this makes me nauseous. It's so hard to catch up one day, let alone two or three.
Yea, so the surgery. Essentionally they're going to knock me out. While I'm out and defenseless, they're going to cut past my upper gums and make a slice into my upper jaw and move it forward just a little bit to give the doctors the satisfaction of knowing that my bite is how it should be. Right now my teeth hit right on, when the upper teeth should be forward a bit more. If I don't have this surgery, I could be in dentures by the time I'm thirty five, not to mention the pain this bite would cause later on in life.
Anyway. So they're going to cut my upper jaw, move it forward, then put fun little steel plate things to hold it in place. Then I get to have my jaw elastic-ed shut for two weeks and get to eat only liquids for four-five weeks. What a fun Christmas this is going to be, with my face swollen, my teeth elastic-ed shut, my liquid-only diet, and the constant drowsiness.

* I developed a really fucking awesome print today. My friends will attest to the fact that I rarely think my work is "fucking awesome" and only sometimes "passable" so this means something. I just love this print of Eli (J & G's son). It's so perfect, sharp and crisp with the right amount of contrast and good lightening. I would scan it in and post it, but I don't have legal consent of his parents (yet) and my scanner isn't working.
Every time I go in the darkroom or take pictures, I fall in love with it all over again. I can't explain it. It's like... I'm in perfect balance, one with myself and everything else. Zen-like. Everything else just kind of melts away and I become deliriously content with myself. Even when I'm swearing at the dust and using up eight pieces of paper just to get the exposure right in that one corner... I'm loving it.
I love it when I get into my little photo zone. It's then when the camera becomes an extension of my eye, my mind, my thoughts. It's then when I can capture those secret smiles, the look in the eye that escapes normal every day notice. I could take half a dozen photos of one person and every frame have something different about that person in them. A different side that they show no one else but the camera.
Saying that "I Love Photography" barely grazes the surface of what I feel when I'm with my camera or in the dark room.

* I had some things to bitch about regarding my moron of a boss, but just thinking about photography calmed me down and I just don't feel like it now. I think I'll go get started on AP Lit before I need to go to bed.

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