Eight Days In : 09.11.03 @ 6:25 pm

I can feel the stress crystals forming in my veins already.
If anyone of you talk to me on aim, you know that last night I spent a good three hours taking notes and studying for the quiz that was this morning. I knew everything in those first three chapters. I was confident in my ability to ace that quiz.
I bombed it.
I hate matching. I always have, especially when there's a bunch of options that are all very similar with only slight changes in wording.
I didn't get a chance to finish it, she took everyone's quiz after ten minutes.

I wanted to cry. All that work, that tedium that I had stubbornly, optimistically, joyfully put myself through and no results. Nada. Zip.

Geosystems is still easy, except when she throws random homework packets at us that are essentionally a review of everything we've learned these past three years. I know it's a review, I know I'm supposed to know these things, but I don't and dwelling on it makes me feel frustrated and stupid.

In English we had a pop-essay on Their Eyes Were Watching God in the style of AP Prompt. What a horrible essay I wrote. Granted, it was better then the essay I wrote when I first entered the two-year AP English program, but it was still horrible. I knew all of the Bull about themes and symbols, I just couldn't get it formatted correctly and fluently in forty minutes.
Another bad grade.

I don't understand it. I've worked harder these past eight days then I have any other eight day period in my high school career. I've never applied myself so much, I've never stubbornly done homework days in advance. I've never actually enjoyed reading and analyzing Lit.
And yet I have not gotten an A, or even a B+ on any piece of work beyond the "oh-you-did-your-homework-grade".

Maybe I'm just being impatient. But it's frustrating, and I'm sure you can agree, when you're doing 5+ hours of homework every night and you have nothing to show for it.

This year is going to be insane. Somehow I have to deal with:

• four to five or more hours of homework a night with goal for A's and B+'s.
• Working every day except for Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays to a total of 20+ hours a week.
• My photography and developing a portfolio that will be good enough to submit to colleges by December.
• Applying to eight colleges. That's at least twelve essays.
• Surgery in December, missing a week of school and then the month of recovery time when I so won't be up to school work.

/A

P.S. Would anyone like to tell me why teachers want you to write on the paper they give you, but they give you all of two lines to write about the development of the British political parties?

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