Murder, she wrote : Wednesday, Dec. 04, 2002 @ 3:51 pm

My day was average.
I figured out who the guy is that I talk to during A lunch. Avtar. Nice to know someone's name. Now of course, there's this guy I talk to during part of A & D lunch that also has a mystery name.
Something that I'm noticing?
All of the people who are potentional friends that I talk to every day are guys. John, Avtar, Eshaun (who "low" fived me in the hallway today. Unfortunetly, I wasn't expecting it so it was kind of... off), the fellow political mystery man dude, Ryan...
Now, don't go thinking that all of the sudden I'm going to get ten times more butch, understand football, and only hang out with guys. No. Avtar is gay and the rest of them are those guys that are semi intelligent and don't do... ignornat male things. Like the group of guys that plays hacky sack in the same courtyard where Avtar and I eat lunch. Today, one of them shot a snot rocket (yes, exactly what it sounds like) across the courtyard.
No. Teenage guys do not change when you move across multiple state borders, unfortunetly.
It's supposed to snow tonight. A lot of the kids didn't belive me when I confirmed the weathermen... when you live in Maine, you can see how pregnant the white clouds are and the same thing happens down here, only the sky is white with a greyish smog tint. Let's hope for a snowday.
John can't come to DC with me this weekend, but I got an extension on it anyway so I'm hoping someone (perferably John, he seems to have more street smarts then the rest of them) can go to DC with me the Saturday/Sunday after this one. I really want those shots.

So, I come home from school around 3:30 (stayed after for Math help). I come in the kitchen, take a cookie from the jar for study power (heh), go downstairs and sit at this desk, with the cookie on the desk.
Jenny comes in and I fix a computer error for her. Then, she reaches over me and grabs my cookie. Now, I don't really care about the fucking cookie but that's just rude. Showing amazing reflexes (or so I think) I grab her arm before she can run off with my cookie. She drops my cookie, then picks up the yardstick and smacks me right between the shoulder blades with the yardstick.
Then she goes up stairs and cries to Mum that I grabbed her arm and it hurt and how I'm such a bad sister blah blah blah.
Of course, Jennifer being Jennifer she's belived.
This whole family needs therapy. Except maybe Matt. I swear, he's the only normal one here. My father's an ass hole, my mother's clinically depressed, my sister's a bitch, and I'm just fucked up.
Sometimes my father and sister make me so mad I can just picture my hands around their throats and squeezing.
That anger scares me, because no one else can ever make me that angry. When I was younger I used to yell at someone or break something, which would make things worse of course.
Then, around January of last year I discovered cutting.
Cutting works wonders on anger, stress, depression... any negative strong feeling you don't want to feel it just makes it less strong. It makes it so you can breathe again.
Of course, afterwards I'm always like "fuck, why the hell did I do this?" and it's such a hassel to hide...

What irriates me about my family is that they act like I do jackshit and everytime I come home, I get comments like "Things were better before you came home". Supposedly I'm lazy, stupid and don't help out at all. Whatever. I keep my mess to my room(s). My mess is only in my bedroom, the den which no one uses, and my bathroom. I come home, I do homework. I do my own laundry, I take care of the cat, I haul in loads of wood when asked. That's all I have time for really, because of all this homework. Yet when I point this out, all they remember is the hour I spend on the computer before or after my homework.
Well first of all, if you had asked me to do something, I wouldn't be on the computer, but you didn't so I am. That hour is the only hour I get to myself in a day. It's the only time I get to just sit and relax. I need that time or I get all stressed out and it's just not pretty.

Failed a Chem quiz, probably got a D on my English Test.
Six people waved and/or said hi to me in the hallway today.
Out of 3,000 people, all who have different scedules, that's not bad.
/A

<< // >>

index | older | diaryland