Chickenshit : 08.06.03 @ 10:17 pm

I�m surprisingly tired, which is weird. Lately I�ve been staying up until three because someone is an insomniac and I always staying up talking to her. Then I sleep in till noon and go to work at three. It�s a nice little system actually. Doesn�t leave a lot of time to do productive things like, oh say, Summer Assignments, but it suits my perpetual procrastination and laziness.

Twenty Seven Days till my senior year starts.
Can�t say I�m too excited about it all. Or nostalgic. Or thinking that this will be the best year of my life.
Whoever said high school was the best years of your life was a small town cheerleader who ended up waitressing at a truck stop to support her six kids and drunkyard husband.
Or the jock who ended up marrying said cheerleader.

Honestly though. While jr. high was certainly worse, there is no way that I�d say that high school makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Mostly, I�m going to bust out of this joint driving full speed ahead, flipping them off as I go.

I don�t want to think about where I�ll be ten years from now. As I�m telling Felicia right now, I�m not ready to face my future. I�m not ready to go to college, to actually think about what I�ll be doing ten years from now. For the first time, it�s scaring me. The idea wraps itself around my throat, choking me. Choosing the type of brick that will lay the road ahead of me... it makes me sick. I�m such a chickenshit.
I�ll stay here for a year. Take some classes at George Mason and work full time or something.
Or maybe I�ll take off to the British Isles. Live in Ireland or England for awhile.

I�m just not ready damnit. I need some time to live in the real world before I go off to some expensive private liberal arts school that is supposed to give me the warm fuzzy education that I�ve always wanted.
I need the real world experience before I�m a hundred thousand dollars in debt and can�t afford oodles of noodles, let alone rent.

I keep on thinking that I�ll be really motivated my freshman year. You know, study my ass off, work out (no freshman fifteen!), bring in an amazing GPA so I can transfer to where I really want to go to with ease. All that B.S.
But it won�t happen. I�ll revert to my laziness that has long since ruined the potential I once had. It�s not that I�m not smart, or well spoken. It�s not that I can�t do it. It�s just the lack of motivation.

Oyi. Enough rambling.

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