Delusions Revisited Once Again : 08.03.03 @ 11:01 pm

I like my delusions. They keep me sane, tie me to the world where I�ve been told I belong.

Like I can delude myself into believing that I�m just �not attractive� rather then �down right ugly�.
Like I can delude myself into thinking that the rest of the world doesn�t notice the imperfections that are so prominent to me. Like I can delude myself into thinking that that�s not what people see.
I can delude myself into thinking I have some talent.
That I�m worth the air I breathe and pollute.

I can delude myself into believing that I have some form of confidence.
I don�t, have you noticed?

There are nights where I want to slice up my face. Destroy it. I�m not that stupid, obviously. I�d never actually do that. Defiantly a way to bring the self esteem up, ruin everything.
It�s just a thought.

(I have nice eyes. It�s true. It�s the only thing I like about my face. Or hell, my entire body. My eyes deserve another face).

And then I have nights where I�m just giddy with happiness over one thing or another. Over actually having a friend. Over going out and doing something. Over having accomplished something small and insignificant.
Over delusions.

That�s all it is, really. My entire life.

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