#@%$! : 06.26.03 @ 9:15 pm

What I really want to do is run.

Just... run. Run until my muscles entice pain out of its hiding. Pure, raw, undiluted pain soothing the anger.

I'm never going to get into any of the colleges I want to.

Somehow, I have no idea how Fairfax County did this, but they completely screwed with my transcript.

I won't go into the details, but somehow my GPA from LAST YEAR went down from a 3.1 to a 2.9.

I was thinking that my GPA was a 3.3, closer to a 3.4.

It's not. Unweighted, my entire score is a 3.1. Weighted, it's almost a 3.3. So much for that scholarship I was shooting for.

Fairfax County Public Schools can eat me and fucking choke.

I'm never going to get into any of the colleges that I want to go to.

This whole transcript thing...

It's pissed me off to the point where I just don't want to go to college. I just don't want to put myself through the humiliation of being rejected again and again...

I want to learn. I want nothing more then to just learn what I want to learn and soak up as much knowledge as I possibly can, until I'm overflowing with knowledge.

And yet my transcript reflects that I don't. It's full of holes, holes and weak spots so big and thin that admissions people are going to poke through it no problem.

All I've ever wanted to do was go to college. Before I was in high school I was researching colleges.

I had to go fuck it all up for myself.

My move had to go fuck it all up for myself.

What a hopeless case I am.

Screw college. Screw Life.

Today, I visited Mary Baldwin. I hated it. Well. Not hated it. But I didn't like it either.

I also went to see Monticello on a whim because it was only twenty odd minutes away from Mary Baldwin.

It was strange, Mum and I got along really well all day today. We were chill, laughing, joking, and making fun of the rednecks that populate all areas of Virginia that isn't in the Northern region.

Almost the moment we got in the door, that all went sour. Jenny was blaming everyone for her trumpet valve breaking. It was everyone else's fault, not hers, even though she was the one who left it on the floor in the basement (out of its case) for the past week.

So yea. Now everyone's in a sour mood. I want to go for a drive now. Because I can't run at night, it's not that good of a neighborhood.

I need my own car.

Then I'd just drive. Get on a road and just... go. Randomly choose right or left, get my self lost on purpose.

Too bad I'm too chicken to run myself off the road or into a tree or something...

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