The Effect of School : 05.19.03 @ 12:06 am

Certian classes, namely Math related courses such as Algebra 2 and Chemistry should not cause someone to curl up in a ball and cry with frustration.
Certian classes, namely Math related courses such as Algebra 2 and Chemistry should not make someone feel like slicing open a few veins.

Too bad in my warped mind, it does.
What happens first is that I feel like someone's squeezing my temples as I try to concentrate on the task at hand.
Then, when I just simply can't do it despite trying for hours on end, I start to go into panic mode, realizing that I'm just flat out going to fail Chemistry and there is no way I can bring my SAT Math score up in the 500's.
Then, illogically, my brain brings me to the conclusion that every college is going to reject me with two D+'s on my transcript.
Even George Mason.

Then my brain skips to the fact that I'm just plain stupid and it's not even worth trying to get into American, Salem, or Clark.
I'm not going to get in, why bother.

Then my brain decides that it's just not worth it anymore. Why spend so much energy, put so much effort into getting into fucking college and knowing that not just one, but three, count 'em, three subjects are going to hold me back.

Math, consistant C's and a 460 on the SATs.
Science, Chemistry mostly, D+.
French II, D+. Only two credits of a foriegn language.

Come spring of next year...
I don't think I can handle all those rejection letters.

I'm such a waste.
A waste of a good brain.
A waste of time.
Of money.
Of space.
Of oxygen.

/A

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