Fucked Over II : 03.20.03 @ 6:33 pm

"i bet you're wondering
if you woke up today
just to learn why the caged bird sings
i bet you're wondering if the goddesses are all crazy
or just keeping it interesting
situated slightly outside society
at odds with its odd offerings
i bet you're teetering on the edge of sobriety
just to alleviate a few things..."

Here for Now � Ani Difranco

Seriously though, this move fucked me in the ass and I'm realizing that even more as I try to gather things together for colleges.
(Note: Because of 9/11, they created another department of US Customs... sort of like a combination of US Customs and Homeland Security, I suppose. My Dad got hired there. So if 9/11 had never happened, neither would have the move)

It fucked over my plan to get four foreign language credits � two in French and two in Spanish. After a quarter with Ms. S in Maine for Spanish I, I was so far behind that there was no way I would ever catch up.
It fucked over my after school actives. By the time I got here, it was too late to join any after school organizations besides the GSA.
It fucked over my grades, everything went down as I struggled to adjust to a school that is at least three times harder then my old school in a lot of ways.
It fucked over my friends and my entire support system.
AND NOW?
Now there's a good possibility that we'll have to cancel the college visit/interview with my current #1 choice because my father � the cause of this fucked up junior year � has a sudden business trip in California.

Christ. I hate that man. Almost everything negative in my life can somehow be traced back to him.
My low self esteem, my anger, my scars, this move that seriously only benefited him and Jennifer....

No, I'm not blaming everything that's gone wrong on my father. Not even those things that I listed.
I'm just saying that he had a part in them.

Not that I will get into my #1 college choice, for the reasons mentioned.

Did I mention that I'm failing Chemistry?
Four fucking hours of studying for the test that I took today... and failed.
Consistently failing everything, that's our Amy.
Hey.
I should at least get points for being consistent in failing. Not like I ever showed potential in that class anyway.

It was so pathetic of me... after four hours of studying for the Chemistry test (that was today), I basically curled up in a ball and had an emotional/stress breakdown.
I cried, or rather I whimpered the way someone does when they hate to cry.
I'd rather slice up a few veins then cry.
I didn't though.

I'm sorry I haven't really written lately � its a combination of being busy and having the server be down.
I was supposed to work 18 hours this week and I will end up working 27 and a half. Multiply that by an approximate $8.50 an hour ($7.25 and then I get tips) � that's $233.75 for one week (before taxes, of course. Damned taxes). My last pay check � for two weeks � was well under $200. Woo. Anyway yea, I'm working tomorrow. The girl that called me to ask if I wanted to take her shift - I'm horrible with names, but I know what she looks like...
Her: Hey, its' [name], you want to work tomorrow?
Me: Who Oh! Brown hair? [inner monolouge: brown hair, brown eyes, cute as hell?]
Her: Yea, that's me.

-Sigh- I've got to stop remembering chicks like that. The problem is, just about every woman is attractive to me. What can I say? I love women. She's especially cute though. Too bad she's like, in college and probably straight...

[Random thought: I talk too much.]

I was wondering, do any of you have a palm pilot? Do you use it? How often do you use it? Do you find it useful?
Because I think I want one...

You know. I'm really sick of how fucking STUPID my entries have gotten. Don't even bother coming back, please.

Yours forever in the superficial, selfish bull shit they call life -
A

P.S. Dude. Don't implode over the 9/11 refrence. I realize that thousands died and me bitching about how it vaugely effected my life is selfish. No need to point it out to me, thank you very much. The refrence was made soley because that seriously is why we moved.

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