Driving, Penises, and Other Useless Stuff : 03.15.03 @ 8:48 pm

"cuz they are locking our sons
and our daughters in cages
they are taking by the thousands
our lives from under us
it's a crash course in religious fundamentals
now let's all go to war
get some bang for our buck"

"Evolve" � Ani Difranco

Today I had the house to myself, my family left for various places right as I woke up. I probably could have slept past eight thirty, but they thump like elephants and I sleep in the basement.

So I lazed about all morning - watched some silly show on the Discovery Channel, did some homework (exaggeration), showered, and then -gasp- took the jeep and drove to the library and then to Mrs. O's to baby-sit.

Have I covered my fear of cars in here yet?
I'm terrified of cars. Many a time I've been sitting in the passenger's seat, my vivid imagination running wild with detailed images of car wrecks.
The funny thing is, I've never been in a serious car accident. Not even close.

Never less, if I can avoid driving or being driven, I do. I feel safer on public transportation then I do in a car.
Yea - somehow I got my license. I wondered how, too.

So every time I have to actually drive myself, I'll literally start to shake and my stomach will knot up to the point where I feel like I'm going to throw up.

Perhaps in a past life I died in a car accident.
(Though, I like to think that if there is reincarnation, I am a much older soul then that. You know. I was an Amazon in a past life. Or a Celtic Priestess. Something cool and kick-butt like.)

Anyway. Today, I drove. Oh I've driven before since I got my license, but in short spurts during un-dangerous times. Today, I maneuvered through construction sites, parallel fucking parked, managed not to get lost on the way to Mrs. O's, went through many an intersection, did some great forward backward maneuvering shit and ... yea. I drove, no one died, I kept stupid moves to a minimum, and actually started to get an inch more of confidence in my driving abilities.

Of course, I still want to purchase a cell phone so I can call my Mum if a tree, pedestrian, or one of those mother fucker SUVs get in my way.

What I don't get about SUVs is what the fuck do you need an SUV the size of a bloody camper for? You live in the DC METRO AREA. There are no hills, very little snow, ice, etc.
What do I think when I see a mother fucker of an SUV? Rich Republican with a small penis. That's exactly what I think, no joking. Why else would you need an SUV except to express your manliness?

On the topic of dicks, I put in my parent's copy of Advanced Oral Sex Techniques while they were gone. I'm not quite sure why. Curiosity?
Anyway, after ten minutes of hot chicks giving head to old middle aged men I was in dire need of washing my eyes out with rubbing alcohol. I turned it off, rewound it, and stuck it back where my parents had "hid" it.
I'd like to reaffirm the fact that I am very. very. gay. There's just no denying it. Sure, most people don't want to see middle aged (hairy) men and their penises, but I think I'm truly scarred. I was gay before viewing that video, now I'm Very Gay.

Mrs. O's kids are cute and okay kids to sit � I suppose. Though I'd also like to reaffirm the fact that I Don't Want Kids. Especially not little boys who want to make bows and arrows and expect me to just hand over sharp tools for them to do so.
I still say that man � if Mrs. O was into women, and I was like fifteen years older...
Intelligence is such a bloody attraction, lol.

And then! When I was done at Mrs. O's house, I drove myself back (in the dark) and went to Starbucks where I talked to some of my co workers and the shift manager that I like (Josh. The other one is okay, but he's frustrating to work with). Then I drove myself home without the normal shakes and jitters! Can you tell how accomplished I feel?
Watch, I'll beat this fear of cars and then as soon as I do, I'll get in a car accident. Life always seems to work that way.

Hmm... do I work on next month's layout or do my homework....?
I should be responsible and finish it all tonight but... meh.

/A

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