Bah. Die. : 02.26.03 @ 3:43 pm

I hate people.
It's funny that I say this because I really do like working with people.
Yea. So it's a love-hate relationship with the human race.

Humans are stupid, shallow, and selfish. Myself included. Supposedly we're better ten all these other animals because we've developed a so called intelligent thought process.

Bull fucking shit. Sure, we've created all these useful machines and such, yet not a one of us has developed emotionally, mentally, and socially since the middle ages. Don't deny it. The same types of people are still running about ruling our world and each and every one of us is still wrapped up in our own little fantasy world.

That said, I'll move on to my day log. School was not delayed. Instead they thought it pertinent that we should go to school and just go home two hours early, so I missed the only class that I like on Black days. Go fucking figure.

I spent the first half desperately trying to stay awake, and Mr. M (Algebra teacher) calling my name every ten or so minutes, each time getting increasingly more frustrated with me. I felt really bad because here he is, trying to review our homework (something to do with radicals and cubed roots) and I'm falling asleep.
I do manage to stay awake while we talk about the new subject, which is good. So I have a pretty good idea what we're doing now and when he assigns a project for us to do with partners (but not together... basically one does half and the other does half) I'm pretty confident. After all, I'm damned good at projects. Comes with the art of bull shitting and being long winded.

The girl I get paired with - I've mentioned her before, I don't remember what entry - anyway she's one of those people who's snobby but tries to act nice, but just doesn't know how. Supposedly she has a great singing voice, and seeing as she has one of the leads in the school's musical (Footloose) I'll take their word for it.
Anyway. As soon as she realized that I was her partner, she started vocally bitching (in front of the entire class) about how she doesn't think my grade should effect hers, blah blah blah. When Mr. May tells her to shove it (not exact words), its not changing, she turns to me and says - "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"If it's what we just talked about then, yea, I do."
"Somehow I doubt that seeing you slept through half the class".

Insert mental bitch slap across that snobby little face of hers.

That pissed me off so fucking much. What a bitch. Yea, so I slept through part of class. It's called running on coffee and three/four hours of sleep a night for the past four nights. It's called having two AP courses and a part time job.

She on the other hand, may have straight A's but she's not attempting any AP classes this year or next. Her perfectly manicured nails would never risk being chipped in doing anything involving making her own money. Why would she bother, when she probably has a house in R____ (rich town/neighborhood) and a Daddy to pay for everything.

Ryan, if you ever see her on Broadway, please please please punch her face in for me. She'll be in the chorus line singing your back up.

I'm taking a nap. Let's hope it's a snow day tomorrow.

/A

(From: Wish I May)
losing my love of adventure
losing all respect for me and myself tonight
i wonder what happens
if i get to
the end of this tunnel
and there isn't a light
i've worn down the treads
on all of my tires
i've worn through the elbows
and the knees of my clothing
and i'm staring down the gravel
driveway of desire trying not to
wake up my sleeping self loathing

do you ever have that dream
when you open your mouth
and you try to scream
but you can't make a sound
that's everyday starting now
that's everyday starting now
don't tell me it's gonna be alright
you cant sell me on your optimism tonight
don't tell me it's gonna be alright
you cant sell me on your optimism tonight

it's a stiff competition
to see who can stay up later
the stars or the street lights
and all i really want
is to be alone with the darkness
no more wish i may
no more wish i might
it takes a stiff upper lip
just to hold up my face
i gotta suck it up and savour
the taste of my own behaviour
i am spinning with longing
faster then a roulette wheel
this is not who i meant to be
this is not how i meant to feel