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Swan Dive : 01.21.03 @ 4:04 pm

"...and I've got a lack of information
but I got a little revelation
and I'm climbing up on the railing
trying not to look down
I'm going to do my best swan dive
into shark-infested waters
I'm gonna pull out my tampon
and start splashing around
'cuz I don't care if they eat me alive
I've got better thing to do than survive..."
- "Swan Dive" Ani Difranco

It's funny how quickly one can bounce between depression and "weeness". "Weeness" is an Amy-emotion. I've discovered that some of my friends back in Maine have started naming days after me - if they're really hyper, slightly out of it, and doing weird things, its an Amy Day. What's weird is that I'm really not like that all the time (no, I do not have ADHD). I'm quite mellow most of the time and a lot of the times if someone is really hyper it's too much energy for me and I just want to hide somewhere.
Anywhere, where was I before my semi explination on the adjective "weeness"?
I think there's something strange about the middle of the day. If I'm going to be depressed, I get depressed around my third class, right before lunch. Sometimes - like today - its really sudden. Like I go from "weeness" to "Fuck I want to curl into a corner somewhere and just die" in a period of five minutes. I think its the hormones.
Hormones do funny things when you're on the rag.
Anyway, all of 5th period (Photography) some evil deamon in my mind kept on whispering sour nothings in my ear.

Fuck photography, you'll never be able to be good enough to get into the state school for photography, let alone the really good ones. So why bother? Why are you bothering at all? You won't get anywhere in life. You're going to fail your classes and end up failing at everything in life because you suck. Ooh lookie here, its the razor they use to mat photographs with...

Or something along those lines. Yea. It was bad and very random. I struggled all through last period to bring it up because I knew that if I went to an interview with that attitude, I wouldn't get the job.
I was half over it when I left for my interview.
Now, I had already had a partial interview with Brian (the really nice Jamacian manager of the Starbucks I applied at) but procedure goes that some other manager interviews me as well.
So I show up at this manager's Starbucks and... he'd left.
Which makes me wonder if me, in my constant "organization", had gotten the wrong name. I knew that it was the right time, but perhaps I had asked for the wrong name?
So we drive to the one that I applied at.
Brian gives me this look that asks what I'm doing here I'm supposed to be there.
I tell him the situation, he sits me down and decides that he's going to hire me anyway.
Yea, you read that correctly.
Woo. I have a job! -does little dance in her chair-
Friday I have an hour long appointment where we go over the employee handbook and I sign some papers. So now I'm hoping that I can squeeze that appointment in and the ~~date~~ with J.

Look! Its my happy banana dance!

/A
mood: see banana.
music: Swan Dive - Ani Difranco

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