Sleepy Incoherant Mumbling : Thursday, Jan. 02, 2003 @ 10:38 am

God damn alarms. There are too many of them. First, the one at 8:15 to wake Kate and I up, then after I had gone back to sleep, the dryer's buzzer kept on going off. Now, it's loud enough for the entire house to hear it but no one is coming down to turn it off and get the god damn laundry. So it goes off and off and off...
New Years Day was spent sleeping in, wandering around the mall, and seeing Lord of the Rings II.
I got pants, boxers, and shoes at the mall, only spending about $40 of my own money because the pants and boxers were on a gift certificate and my mother had given me $30 over the course of a few days to pay for lunch and shit (but Kate insisted on paying for food so I kept the money). Pretty damn good considering the shoes are very nice leather Sketcher boots (click here to view). I could have thrown in an extra $40 and gotten a pair of Doc Martins but... I don't know. It just didn't seem worth it.

Lord of the Rings II was a lot better then the first one, or at least I think. They spent more time developing the other characters besides Frodo, who I don't like very much as a character. The Director of Photography is a genius and if all three of these films didn't/don't get best cinematography then the movie world better pull their heads out of their asses.

The past two nights I've had a nice warm body to curl up against. I've missed that. What's amusing is that it seems to me, my parents had more of an issue with me sleeping with Ryan, my friend that's gay then they did with my sleeping with Kate, my ex girlfriend. Parents just don't make sense often. Eh. I love sharing a bed with someone, even when it often means more wake ups in the night. Especially on that damn couch... I think we woke up together three or four times, had half-asleep conversations then fell back asleep. Any of you that would like nice, cuddly sleepy time with me is welcome to come by. Course, it'd be best if I trusted you to some extent.

Kate's parents came by around 8:30 and whisked her away, leaving me even more confused and sleepy. I'm trying to remember if I said anything coherent to them or her before they left, but I doubt it.
-yawn-
My relationship with Kate confuses me. It does, but it shouldn't. On one hand, I don't want to be in a [long distance] relationship with her. I don't have this burning desire to seduce her (though even if I did, that'd be near impossible to do, she's a very loyal person), but I'm still attracted to her. She's a wonderful person and Jacqui is really lucky to have her.
That must be it.
I've got a mild case of jealously. I don't want her back, but... I never got to see her every day, and before this weekend I never spent the entire night in her bed. I never went "all the way" with her. I never got to experiment with my sexuality much beyond opening the door to it (though, what turns me on doesn't turn her on so I don't know how that would have gone). Hell, I never even really argued with her. Seven month relationship and we didn't even argue when we broke up (bickering over who was going to pay for supper doesn't count).
Kate said - and she's right - that our relationship would have been very different if we had seen each other every day. She's right, but that doesn't make me not have wished that we had had that.
I suppose that I'll just have to look for another relationship, with a person who lives within twenty minutes of here - or even better, goes to my school. Because I want that. A long distance relationship, no matter what anyone says, is half a relationship.
And at the end of the relationship, you're left feeling cheated. Cheated out of something that quite possibly could have been even more wonderful then it was.

/A
mood: sleeeeppp...
(hey, today's date is 1-2-3)
(hey, you. Yea. You. Update!)

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