Headache : 10.14.03 @ 5:02 pm

I need to write at least one college admission essay today. I had inspiration at two am last night, and again after spending two and a half hours in the darkroom today.

My fingers are yellow-ish because I spilt the stop chemical (while mixing the chemicals for the trays) on them. They also reek of the fixer and various other chemicals you find in the darkroom.
Despite my ongoing headache - I swear it starts and stays with me for weeks on end - the smells and yellow-ish tint make me happy. Motivated. At peace, and all that Zen Bull Shit.

So I'm actually motivated to get things done, for once. And I come home and my sister's on the computer.
And she stays on the computer for two hours.
Meanwhile, I'm finishing up the financial aid forms for Bennington, my mother screams at me periodically, my headache increases, my sister took off with my calculator last week and its lost somewhere in her room...
And I now just want to curl up in a ball in my bed, with all the light blocked out of the room and sleep. Or cry. Which ever happens first.

My family blocks all of my creative juices, as well as any part of my personality that I actually like.
I think that's why I have never taken serious pictures of anyone in my immediate family.
It's almost odd, when you think about it. A photography major (hopefully) who has not, and has no desire to, take pictures of her parents and/or siblings.

My head hurts so badly at this point that I don't think I could concentrate on the essay if I tried. Or anything else for that matter.

/A

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