Having a Femme Day : 05.03.03 @ 11:45 pm

I do believe that I am over due for an entry.
However, I'd like to take a poll. Anyone who actually reads this drivel on a regular basis, raise your hand.
I thought so.

I've been too busy/tired/lazy lately to really sit down and write an entry, or even work on my May layout. I might just stick with this one for May. It's May-ish, you think?
Ah. Well. I'll start my entry now, I suppose. Start with the recent stuff and go to the older stuff that isn't as fresh in my mind. Feel free to hit the little "x" at any time, it might get boring.

I went shopping with Laura and I'm quite proud to say that I handled driving to [Name of Town where there is a mall] without killing myself or anyone else. And anyone who lives or has driven in the DC Metro area - which has one of the worse transportation systems in the country � will have to say that's quite an accomplishment for someone who learned to drive in rural Maine. So I started this shopping excursion with most of last week's paycheck (that was less then it normally is) cashed in my wallet � roughly $140.
I have � well, next to nothing left. We started out at H&M, which is this trendy yet surprisingly affordable (and they have plus sizes for my birthin' hips!). I got a brown linen skirt (yes, I said skirt) that twirls (and yes, that's the whole reason why I bought it. It twirls) and a matching shirt that's of that lacey material that has holes. So I spent the rest of the day looking for a bra that I could wear that with. I could just go without a bra, seeing I have like no tits, but my nipples semi poke through the holes as if to say "BOO! Lookie at me! (lick me, I need attention badly!)" .
So yes. Bra needed.

At Hot Topic I quickly got my Fight Club poster (currently hanging on my wall opposite my bed) and left. I have realized that Hot Topic really is aimed for the anguished junior high student who's obsessed with death and pain and shops at Hot Topic to be cool. And I'm so behind that. Just going into that store made me realize how much I've put that part of my life behind me.
There were these two girls in the store when I was. One of them was wearing grey shorts and a bright Hawaiian tank top... and those ridiculous black arm things with the holes in them for the thumbs.
I mean, I remember cutting holes in the sides of my shirts for my thumbs but man, I feel so fucking old school for doing that. Which is funny, because I was never even goth and that was just a year ago.
That shirt was quite comfortable.

At Spencer's I got a "DogofGlee" poster (same artist as those bunny cartoons) that has the dog of glee with a cat's tail hanging out of his mouth and the words "hmmm. pussy." underneath him. That is currently on the back of my door with the hopes that my mother will not totally freak out when she sees it.

At Old Navy I got some men's beach cargos and some sunflower boxers, and at Bath and Bodyworks I spent $28 on two bottles of lotion (Rice Flower & Shea scent) that smell really good and make my skin silky smooth.

After dropping Laura off, I went to another store and blew $45 on six pairs of panties (they had this buy three at some ridiculously overpriced price, get three free deal). If you want to know the details, they're the first semi-sezzy pairs of underwear I've owned. They're bikini with the string sides and in black, blue, purple, sunflower, butterfly, and purple flowers.
I'm currently wearing the black one.

There was a meeting at work today, around 9:45. Silly time to have a meeting, I need my sleep because I'm working tomorrow. But yes, so we had a meeting. Have I mentioned that I'm the youngest person at the store? Even Peter, who's the closest to my age (he'll be eighteen this month), sometimes seems eons older then I. I'm not sure why I feel so immature and unsophisticated around them all. Perhaps it's because I'm so open, which often gives people a feeling that I'm naive/younger then I am. Perhaps. Or not.
Anyway. Natasha quit/was fired earlier this week, which was just fine with most of the people there because a lot of people didn't like her.
Brian, my boss, is being transferred out of our store so we get a new manager soon. Which is sad, Brian's pretty cool for a boss.
And... yea I think that's it from that meeting. When I left... I for some reason felt the need to race Jonathan and Ryan out of the parking lot and it felt so... exhilarating to speed. To whip around the corner of the empty parking lot, to speed down my road with them behind me. I could have gone on forever, just gass'in it. I didn't, of course, I had to turn into my driveway.
It's too bad there are so many drivers on the road and speeding is generally a stupid thing. I love that feeling of... danger? The control and lack of control at the same time.

Friday I went and saw XMen 2: Untied. You can read my quasi-review at my livejournal.
It was the first movie that I went alone to (ever). On the one hand, it was kind of nice to go by myself. I can't explain it, but it just was nice. On the other hand, it emphasized my loneliness because there simply wasn't anyone to go with me.
I'm going to turn into the lonely creepy lesbian that shows up for matinees every Friday to watch movies at the cinema by herself, too cheap to buy popcorn to keep her company.
(Brief moment of self-pity)

You want to know what's really sad?
Every night I curl up in bed, with the humidifier going to provide the necessary hum to lull me into sleep. I hug my faithful old bear close and weave images in my head of someone else in my bed, just curled up against me and I against them. We're fully clothed, and it's not sexual, it's just touch.
Sometime's it's sexual. Sometimes I have wild run-away dreams involving luscious women with beautiful curves and soft skin. But most of the time it's not. Most of the time it's just me wishing for a bigger teddy bear, one with rhythmic breathing to fall asleep to.

Good night. I have to be at work at 7:30 tomorrow - with ________ (groan).

/A

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