Morning Breath : 01.30.03 @ 11:23 am

You gotta love first thing in the morning, when you drag yourself out of bed, rub the sleepies from your eyes, and yawn enough to kill anything living within a 20 feet radius with your breath. I also have an interesting hair style in the morning. This never happened before, when I had long hair past my shoulders. But now that it's short and layered it feels the need to stick up every which why in the morning.
So you can picture that, if you want. I'm sitting here at my computer with dirty messy hair, dirty face, in my men's pj pants with British flags all over them, wrapped up in a nice warm gray sweater that I sleep in.

I had a strange, vivid dream last night. I hate how dreams always take what's on your mind and warp, twist, and mold it into something completely different. Mrs. O was in the dream. No, the dream did not involve sex you sick fucks. Mrs. O was my boss at the summer camp that I was working at and one of the rules was that you couldn't leave campus, or you'd be expelled/fired. A funny thing about this camp is that it looked like Natarswi, the one I worked at, but there wasn't any kids.
For some reason I and two other (guys) left the campus and when I came back all these alarms went off and security guards that weren't there to begin with told me I no longer could enter the camp. And I just started to cry and beg and plead, and Mrs. O looked really sad but she couldn't let me back in. The whole thing made me so sad, angry, and all those other strong emotions racing about that I curled up right then and there and started to cut in front of all of them. Now, this is the first time I have ever cut in a dream and it's funny because it's been awhile since I actually cut (woo. Proud of that!).
The look on Mrs. O's face when she saw me cutting was horribly sad and striking and made me feel worse then I already did.

I'd like to figure out what this dream means. I don't think Mrs. O is that important of a figure in my dream. Instead, I think the being locked out of a place that made me feel like I belonged does.
This is a long shot, but perhaps the dream is about being locked out of society and away from all these people I admire and not being allowed back in. Or maybe that's just reading too deeply into it.

Meh. I have a breakfast to eat, a tooth brush that is calling me, and an essay to write, so there are better things to ponder.

/A
mood: sleepy

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