Things : 04.18.03 @ 4:56 pm

So I'm sitting in the orthodontist's chair, leaning back, mouth open as wide as I can do it as a pretty young woman, probably fresh out of whatever schooling you take to become an orthodontist's assistant.
While she's poking about my mouth, I'm realizing that I have never once seen an ugly orthodontist's assistant, and I've been to three different orthodontists. I wonder if it's a requirement that you must always look fresh and beautiful to be an orthodontist's assistant.
I've also never met a male orthodontist's assistant, and I wonder if that has anything to do with the unwritten law that you must be beautiful to work as an orthodontist's assistant.

The woman, trying to get the band on my back molar, accidentally stabs into my gums with her nail. I wince, and she apologizes.
"Sorry, sometimes I wish my fingers were longer".
[inner monologue: You can poke your fingers around inside me anytime.]
Of course, once I thought that, I had to struggle not to laugh as she poked around in my mouth some more.

I am such a dirty little lesbian.

After an hour of having my mouth poked, prodded, glued, I leave with a generally sore feeling and the beginning of menstrual cramps knocking on the inside of my uterus as if to say � "You didn't really thing I forgot, did you?".
Should have known it was coming. I always get ridiculously horny right before it, and I've been very close to jumping the first female I saw for the past week.

Then I made my way to [name of plaza]. Now, this plaza has an absolutely horrible intersection and horrible parking. But for some reason I got in my head that I needed to get Ryan a decent card and I might as well get my Mum's Mother's Day gift as well (and to boot, I had a coupon that would get me $2 off anything over $10, which I of course forgot to give her). Also, I need some more pads and the only place they sell cotton-washable pads (called gladrags, they're very comfortable and I recommend them!) is at the nature store at this certain plaza.
So I'm circling the plaza parking lot a few times, looking for a spot above ground to park for the fifteen minutes I'd be at the plaza. There were none. Every single one was full. So I try my luck with the parking garage and every thing is going fine until I stop for a large group of pedestrians to pass. This guy starts to back up from his parking spot... right towards me. Then he stops, so I think he sees me (in a nice sized Jeep Grand Cherokee that's hard to miss), but when I look back at him, he's still backing up into me. He's like >this close< to hitting me on the side, when the pedestrians finally get out of the way and I gas it to get out of Mr. Moron's way.

I fucking hate Northern Virginia's drivers, have I mentioned that yet? I think most of the fault can be blamed on the bad transportation system... it's considered one of the worst in the country and you almost have to be a bad driver in order to survive it.

So I get what I need at Hallmark (this for my mother. She absolutely loves this collection), and what I needed at the nature store and left for CVS to pick up a box of condoms for Ryan as part of the "congratulations" gift. I learned four things with this experience. One is, there are many, many, kinds of condoms. The second is that for some reason, non-latex condoms, requested due to Ryan's current "fuck-buddy" (my words, not his) is allergic to latex, only come in huge, expensive boxes (so Ryan dear, you'll be getting latex. Use them on someone at Idyllwild.). The third is that all condoms are expensive. I'm very glad I'm a lesbian and my worried about such things are cut in half, if not more. The fourth is, the probably-Catholic Spanish woman at the register will give you dirty looks for buying condoms. I half expected her to refuse to let me buy them.

Y'all know about my plans to invest in a $200 palm pilot?
Well, today, I made my own. Yes, I'm quite serious. I bought a 79-cent memo pad from CVS, covered it with black construction paper, slapped a rainbow sticker on it, and then covered it with contact paper. For my needs, this will service as a palm pilot and it cost me less then a dollar. Sometimes, the best technology is the simplest one.

/A

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